Webster's New Millennium Dictionary of English defines a blog as “an online diary.” That is what I do here; I write my thoughts and feelings into my diary. Everyone does something to get over frustrations or express joy in life. Some people create art, some people exercise, some people call their friends, and some people scream. To express my joys and frustrations, I write on my blog, my personal diary. When I am happy about an event in my life, I write about it on my blog. When I am sad or upset, I write about it on my blog.
I gave a few of my trusted friends my specific address to my blog so that they could read my thoughts and so I could share my joys and frustrations with them even while I was away at school. I gave them that address with confidence and trust, and I intended that they not share information that I put on my blog since it was my personal diary of thoughts.
Last month I wrote a post on my blog/personal diary that talked about my church and some activities that had taken place there. The reason that I wrote such a post/diary entry was to vent the frustrations that had built up inside of me. When I have problems, I write about them on my blog/diary to help me get over them. This was my intention in writing about my church. I was aggravated and upset. I used my blog/diary as a way to vent my frustrations; this was my method of resolving this issue in my life. After I wrote the post, I had dealt with the issue in my mind. I had moved on with my life, and I viewed the mistakes that I mentioned as common mistakes that any human is capable of making. I never wanted or intended to bring charges against anyone.
If I had intended to make charges, I would have never written them down, and I would have gone directly to the Pastor and the leaders of the church (as Matthew 18 instructs us to do). Publicly charging anyone in the church was and still is the least of my desires; I never wanted to do that.
I did, however, make mistakes, and I have sinned. I privately shared my thoughts and ideas with people that I considered trusted friends. I shared my thoughts with the assumption that it would go no further since this was my way of moving on with my life. I also assumed that the personal entry would go no further because I knew that only my friends read my blog/diary, and I assumed that they would take no action since I trusted them with my venting of frustrations. One of these friends, however, distributed this entry without informing me. I now realize that I should have never put such thoughts in a place where they could be easily circulated. Since I did not intend to create discord or make any public charges, I should have not trusted my thoughts in such a vulnerable location. I definitely should have never written my thoughts in a place where a lost person might have read them even if it was a slim possibility. I have confessed my sin to my Lord and Savior, and He has promised me His forgiveness (1 John 1:9).
I do now ask for the forgiveness of the people of my church. I never intended to hurt them or disappoint them. I certainly never intended to create discord. If I knew that my private and personal entry would have created such conflict, I would have certainly never written what I did. I never intended to make any public charges, and I certainly never intended to shed doubt on the ministry. I love the people of my church, and nothing will ever change that in my heart. For so long I have considered every person from my church as a member of my family, and it certainly hurts me to think that I did anything to hurt any of them; I cried for many days with the thought that I might have harmed them. I ask from the bottom of my heart that the people of my church will forgive me for what I have done. I love them dearly, and I hope that they can give me their forgiveness.
filed under: personal
Shawn, I am so proud of you for admitting you made a mistake. You are a much BIGGER person than any of the other players in the events of what has happened over the last few days. You have admitted fault, but none of the others have admitted they were wrong in their handling of this situation. I am so glad that we have a forgiving Father who will hear our petitions and pleas for forgiveness. I am so very glad that the shed blood of Jesus Christ is our ticket to heaven and NOT what others think. My heart is heavy over the unfair treatment of you and your family. I am praying for you all. I believe God's word is the FINAL authority and I still believe Jeremiah 23. Do NOT let this discourage you or defeat you in your Christian walk.
ReplyDeleteYour friend,
Connie
Had any more hits from BAE lately????????? Hee, hee!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt has taken a while for me to respond to your blog not because I didn't want to, I wanted this to come from the heart and not from hurt and bitterness. I am proud of you that you can admit wrong doing's and ask for forgiveness. It has been said by someone that they can't understand why I am so hurt, well first of all you have to have a heart and a love for your child to understand that when they hurt your also hurt. "I believe that Mary's heart broke when her son was being crucified and she knew her son was innocent. Secondly, if this is the worst thing that you ever do in your lifetime, I can accept that because there are a lot of kids out there causing parents a great deal of grief. At least when you tell me or anyone else something, we don't have to wonder whether you you have told us the truth or a "LIE". In my heart I want to pray vengence on some people, I want them to hurt the way you hurt, but vengence is not mine and I am reminded of that everytime this thought comes across my mind.
ReplyDeleteJust go back to Jeremiah 23, we both know what this says. One day we all are going to have to give account of our life to our LORD and the best we can do, none of us will have a perfect life of record. The Bible says that we sin daily and "we" don't just mean you and me, it mean's all of us who walk around daily in this sinful flesh. You have to ask for daily forgiveness.
I love you and will always hurt for you, but there are a few out there, "who I hope reads this", that owes you and us an apology. This is my opinion and my venting - so you reading this - take it however you want. If you don't want to know, just keep your nose to your own business.