Home Is Where The Heart Is

College thus far has been a pretty good experience so far. I've had a pretty good time. I met some pretty good people, and I think that I made the right decision by coming to Carson-Newman. The people are great, and the college is nice and small. There is just one thing that I have been struggling with, especially recently. Back home, I had a great family and great friends. Every thing I went through, I could count on someone to be there for me and to sincerely care about me. I didn't really reveal my emotions or my true feelings to others that often, but I could always embrace someone that I loved and feel all better. If I wanted to talk about my problems, I could always count on someone to be there to listen. I could always find comfort. That is what I miss. I miss the closeness and comfort that I had with my loved ones. I have met very nice people here, but it just isn't the same. I don't know what I can tell these people and what I can't. I've only known them for a short time in comparison to people I knew back home. Sometimes, I get this feeling that the friends I have made don't really care about me, but I think that's just my insecure inner self. You don't know the number of times that I wished I could have my mom by my side rubbing my hair or that I had one of my friends to hug and just pour out my heart. I don't have that here. My family and friends have told me that I can call them anytime that I needed them, but it just isn't the same. I need them by my side. I need to be able to look them in the eyes. I did have an instance a few days ago were I felt true, sincere care. I walked up beside this woman at the Study Abroad Fair on campus and it happened to be my FLIGHT group leader. She had found out about my blog through the signature in one of my emails that I sent her. She had read the post about my search for a local church, and she was actually concerned with my problem. She had even asked other people about possible churches that lined up with what I was looking for. She asked how I was doing and wanted to know if I had found anything yet. I could see in her eyes that she truly cared about me. I felt it. That made me feel so great! I was so appreciative. I do think that the friends that I have made do care about me, but it just doesn't feel the same that it used to. If you are reading this and you are my family and friends, thank you so much for the support you have given me! I thank you so much. I love you all so much! I wish that I could come home more often and be with you. You don't know how much I would love that, but I can't grow that way. I need to make progress. I need to move into adulthood. Thank you again! I love you all dearly! Please keep me in your prayers.

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